Rajnikant rocks..
1. Once a big stone obstructed Rajani's way.
He kicked high in sky and now it is so called .
.
.
.The MOON
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Tuesday
Business... very funny
To celebrate the new acquisition, a Sardar decided to visit a pub and have a glass of wine.
As he sat down enjoying his wine, soon enough, a very beautiful attractive young lady came to his table, asked him something in French (which he did not understand), and motioned toward the chair.
He invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in Hindi, Punjabi & English, but she did not speak or know any of these languages. So, after a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it her. She nodded, and he ordered a glass of wine for her.
After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. They left the pub and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance.
They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up. Then, after they were back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a bed.
........ ............ ........ Would you believe..
Till this day, the Sardar has no idea how she figured out that he was in the furniture business!!!!
As he sat down enjoying his wine, soon enough, a very beautiful attractive young lady came to his table, asked him something in French (which he did not understand), and motioned toward the chair.
He invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in Hindi, Punjabi & English, but she did not speak or know any of these languages. So, after a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it her. She nodded, and he ordered a glass of wine for her.
After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. They left the pub and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance.
They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up. Then, after they were back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a bed.
........ ............ ........ Would you believe..
Till this day, the Sardar has no idea how she figured out that he was in the furniture business!!!!
Thursday
CWG Good One
1) BREAKING NEWS: Suresh Kamadi just tried to hang himself in the CWG stadium. But the ceiling collapsed
2) The truth behind bulk sms banning is to stop kalmadi jokes and not Ayodhya
3) Look at the brighter side; the more countries pull out, the higher India is ranked in the final medal’s tally.
4) Terrorists set to skip CWG 2010 citing unlivable conditions and fear for their safety.
5) Q: How many contractors are required to change a light bulb in Delhi CWG stadium?
A: 1 Million. (1 to change bulb and rest 999,999 to hold the ceiling)
6) Whats common between CWG committee and students???
Ans: both start their preparations at the 11th hour.....
7) Prince Charles is actively convincing the Queen to visit dengue hit Delhi, this may be his last chance to become the king!
8) Thanks to Guernsey and Jersey for threatening to pull out of games! We now know these countries existed!
9) Ek waqt aisa aayega, kalmadi bhi sharmayega
10) A collapse a day keeps the athletes away
11) Ba ba Kalmadi, have you any shame. No sir, No sir, we are having a Common Loot Game. Crores for my partner, crores for the dame, crores for me too, for spoiling India's name!
12) AMAZING BUT TRUE: If you re-arrange the letters "Sir U made lakhs" you get "SURESH KALMADI
13) next edition of CWG will be called KWG, Kalmadi Wealth Games
2) The truth behind bulk sms banning is to stop kalmadi jokes and not Ayodhya
3) Look at the brighter side; the more countries pull out, the higher India is ranked in the final medal’s tally.
4) Terrorists set to skip CWG 2010 citing unlivable conditions and fear for their safety.
5) Q: How many contractors are required to change a light bulb in Delhi CWG stadium?
A: 1 Million. (1 to change bulb and rest 999,999 to hold the ceiling)
6) Whats common between CWG committee and students???
Ans: both start their preparations at the 11th hour.....
7) Prince Charles is actively convincing the Queen to visit dengue hit Delhi, this may be his last chance to become the king!
8) Thanks to Guernsey and Jersey for threatening to pull out of games! We now know these countries existed!
9) Ek waqt aisa aayega, kalmadi bhi sharmayega
10) A collapse a day keeps the athletes away
11) Ba ba Kalmadi, have you any shame. No sir, No sir, we are having a Common Loot Game. Crores for my partner, crores for the dame, crores for me too, for spoiling India's name!
12) AMAZING BUT TRUE: If you re-arrange the letters "Sir U made lakhs" you get "SURESH KALMADI
13) next edition of CWG will be called KWG, Kalmadi Wealth Games
Wednesday
New Ending to 3 IDIOTS- The CID Version
New Ending to 3 IDIOTS :
After Rancho suddenly disappears from ICE, Raju and Farhan Decide to call
the world famous CID.
ACP: Ohh MY GODD !!! Rancho Gayab hai !! Abhijeet, Daya...campus ko acchi
tarah se CHECK KARO !! Woh zaroor koi na koi suraag chhod gaya hoga !!
(Shaking his finger)
(After searchin the campus like a pair of buffoons...Abhijeet and Daya find
out that Joy had committed suicide 4 years back in the campus...)
Abhijeet: Sir, Mamla Gadbad hai...Yaha kisi joy naam ke student NE
aatma-hatya ki thi 4 saal pehle. Lagta hai woh aatma hatya nahi...khoon
tha...aur shayad khooni yeh rancho hi hoga !!!
ACP: OHH MY GODD !!!
ACP: Yeh joy ki kabar khod ke uski laash bahar nikalo...aur use forensic
lab me leke aao...Dr. Salunkhe zarur koi na koi baat ughalva denge iss
murde aadmi se !!
(after fredricks does all the digging and brings out the dead body of
joy...and the next scene is of the forensic lab)
Dr. Salunkhe: ACP, bahot jaldi laash laaye tum...isse kuch bulvana mushkil
hoga...lekin tum tension mat lo...tum Dr. Salunkhe ke lab se khali haat
nahi jaoge..koi na koi raaz toh pata chal hi jayega
(after playin with some colour changing liquids)
Dr. Salunkhe : BOSS...tumne kaha isski maut suicide se hui hai...main kehta
hu..iska khoon hua hai !!
ACP: Salunkhe !!! Mazaak ka waqt nahi hai !!...yeh kaise ho sakta hai??
Salunkhe: BOSS...sab kuch mumkin hai !! Yeh dekho...(shows him his
star-trek type computer and does some really fast typing)
ACP: OHH MY GODD !! (still shaking his finger)....toh phir yeh baat hamein
kisi NE batayi kyu nahi ??...ek kaam karo...uss principal ko yahaan leke
aao bureau me...AB kya sach hai..wahi hamein batayega !!
(virus is brought to the bureau)
Virus: Sssir, mujhe yahaan kyun bulaya hai...Maine kuch nahi kiya
Abhijeet: sach sach batao...uss raat campus me kya hua tha???
Virus: sssir, main sssach bol raha hu...mujhe kuch nahi pata hai??
(daya gives him his special CHAMAAAT !!!)
Daya: Ab yaad aaya kuch???
Virus: Haan Sir, sab yaad AA gaya...Bata ta hu...sab Bata ta hu !
Fredricks: (constipated look)..sir..daya sir ke chamaat me toh jaadu
hai...iska 'sssss' kehna band ho gaya
ACP: Fredricks..chup raho !!
Virus: uss raat sab logo NE gay party ki thi....sab log apni underwear me
campus me ghoom rahe the....main bhi tha...lekin mere saath koi flirt hi
nahi kar raha tha...isliye main bahot gusse me tha...phir Joy aaya aur usne
mujhe uska helicopter dikhaya...Maine uska helicopter gutter me fek
diya..toh woh rote rote apne room me chale gaya. Aur next din humne dekha
toh uska murder ho gaya tha...lekin aap please yeh baat kisi se boliye
mat...college ki badnaami ho jayegi...
ACP: hum kisi ko nahi batayenge...tum hamare saath co-operate karo
(virus leaves)
ACP: yahaan kuch toh gadbad hai daya....aisa kaise ho sakta hai ki campus
me khoon ho gaya aur kisi NE CID ko bulaya hi nahin??
Abhijeet: sir shayad logo ko pata hai...ki pehle police ko bulana
chaiye...CID ko nahi !!
ACP: Aur yeh kaise hua ki khooni campus me AA gaya..aur campus se khoon kar
ke nikal gaya??
Vivek : Sir, shayad yeh bhi ho sakta hai ki khooni koi student hi ho?
ACP: haan vivek...kuch bhi ho sakta hai...kuch bhi (shaking finger)..ek
kaam karo abhijeet...phir se campus me chalte hain...aur acchi tarah se
check karte hain...yahaan daal me kuch kaala hai !!
Abhijeet: sir daal me kala nahi...puri daal mere jaisi kaali hi hai !!
(they reach the campus in their ol' faithful qualis which changes colour
every episode...but the number plate is still the same...and daya slams the
breaks....SCCHRREEEECH !!)
ACP: Abhijeet, Vivek tum pura campus CHECK KARO....Daya tum iss campus ke
saare DARWAAZE TOD DO !!....Fredricks...tum sab logo ko tumhare jokes se
entertain karo...aur main yahaan baith ke apni ungli hilata hu....chalo sab
apne apne kaam pe lag jaao !!
(after checking the campus)
Vivek: Sir, yahaan aiye....yeh dekho...yeh ek chatur naam ke ladke ki diary
mili hai sir...isme likha hai ki woh rancho aur rancho ek dusre ke dushman
the...aur woh rancho se badla Lena chahta tha !!
ACP : (shaking finger...as usual)...OHH MY GODD !!! AB yeh Chatur kaun
hai...aur iske room se itni baas kyun AA rahi hai !!...Good work
vivek !!...iss evidence ko forensic lab Le jao !
Abhijeet: Haain !!! Sir, dheere dheere sab pata chal raha hai...shayad se
iss chatur NE hi joy ka khoon kiya hoga !! Aur rancho kahaan gaya...usse hi
pata hoga !!
ACP: Toh bulao iss Chatur ko Bureau mein...isse hi pooch ke dekhte hain !!
(chatur in interrogation)
ACP: Rancho kahaan hai ??
Chatur : I Don't Know Sir !! Mujhe nahi pata !!
Abhijeet: Dekho Sach Sach Batao !! Hamein yeh diary mili hai tumhare room
se...isme saaf saaf likha hai ki tumhein rancho se jalan thi
Chatur : (over-acting)...mujhe nahi pata hai sir !! maine kuch nai kiya hai
(Daya gives ONE TIGHT SLAP and the chair spins)
Chatur: Haan haan...maine hi khoon kiya tha joy ka...kyonki usne mechanical
helicopter banaya tha project me...aur maine sirf paper ka rocket banaya
tha....boo hoo hoo !! Lekin phir woh kambakht Rancho aa gaya...usne mujhe
dekh liya tha...isliye maine usko bhi gayab kar diya
ACP: waah...kya plan banaya tha...lekin afsos tum CID ke saamne kamiyaab
nahi ho paaye...ab banate rehna plan...JAIL me...Tumhe toh FAASI hogi
FAASI !!
Overweight? This Weight Loss Programme Comes Highly Recommended!
What a way to lose weight !!
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a
voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of
Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.
She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.'
Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles
later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows
up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth
day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs.
as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound
program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the
most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life.
She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her
neck that reads, 'If you catch me you can have me'.
Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent
shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four
days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and
better shape.
Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers
that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the
7-day/50 pound program.
'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone. 'This is our most
rigorous program.' 'Absolutely,' he replies,
'I haven't felt this good in years.'
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a
huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes
and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you're mine."
He lost 63 pounds that week !
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a
voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of
Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.
She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.'
Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles
later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows
up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth
day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs.
as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound
program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the
most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life.
She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her
neck that reads, 'If you catch me you can have me'.
Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent
shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four
days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and
better shape.
Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers
that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the
7-day/50 pound program.
'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone. 'This is our most
rigorous program.' 'Absolutely,' he replies,
'I haven't felt this good in years.'
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a
huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes
and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you're mine."
He lost 63 pounds that week !
Women's Favorite E-mail of the Year!.......
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his
wife stayed home.
He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
'Dear Lord:
I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely
stays at home.
I want her to know what I go through.
So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day.
Amen!'
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate,
Awakened the kids,
Set out their school clothes,
Fed them breakfast,
Packed their lunches,
Drove them to school,
Came home and picked up the dry cleaning,
Took it to the cleaners
And stopped at the bank to make a deposit,
Went grocery shopping,
Then drove home to put away the groceries,
Paid the bills and balanced the check book.
He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.
Then, it was already 01P.M.
And he hurried to make the beds,
Do the laundry, vacuum,
Dust,
And sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument
with them on the way home.
Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their
homework.
Then, set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the
ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for
salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for
supper.
After supper,
He cleaned the kitchen,
Ran the dishwasher,
Folded laundry,
Bathed the kids,
And put them to bed.
At 09 P.M .
He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished,
he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he
managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and
said: -
'Lord, I don't know what I was thinking.
I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all
day.
Please, oh! Oh! Please, let us trade back.
Amen!'
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:
'My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy
to change things back to the way they were.
You'll just have to wait nine months, though.
You got pregnant last night.'
This has been voted Women's Favorite E-mail of the Year!
If you agree, send it to all your friends who would enjoy
this!!!!
7 TYPES OF GIRLS
1. HARD DISK Girls: Remember everything forever
2. RAM girls: Forgets about you the moment you turn her off
3. SCREENSAVER girls: ok just for looking
4. INTERNET girls: Difficult to access
5. SERVER girls: Always busy when needed
6. MULTIMEDIA girls: Makes horrible things looks beautiful
7. VIRUS: These type of girls are normally called 'WIVES'.
2. RAM girls: Forgets about you the moment you turn her off
3. SCREENSAVER girls: ok just for looking
4. INTERNET girls: Difficult to access
5. SERVER girls: Always busy when needed
6. MULTIMEDIA girls: Makes horrible things looks beautiful
7. VIRUS: These type of girls are normally called 'WIVES'.
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